How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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