end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This toilet bowl is my home.
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