I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
