i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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