the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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