fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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