I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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