You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
