not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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