He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
