We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
