If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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