I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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