The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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