I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
