I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There r osticjed everywhere
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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