He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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