there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
