you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize