i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
