now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
organizing the empties. That sober.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's rum buckets o'clock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
