That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
