It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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