walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
