Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
