ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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