so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
