im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
