i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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