I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
