Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
