they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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