just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
