I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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