Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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