Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
