i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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