sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i will never coherently bang her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
