If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
