Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
