we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
