A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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