Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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