My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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