sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
