evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
