Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
