The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize