so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
