i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
