Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
