Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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