My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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