You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
