called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
