We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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