You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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