i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
