marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
