what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
