I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
