I would go down on you faster than GM stock
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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