I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
