i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
