Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
