a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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