Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
