the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
