This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
