Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
