My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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