So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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