You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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