Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
