I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
