How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
