everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
