I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize